Why asking for help feels impossible

Hey Fam,

Last week I talked about being the Quarterback, the person who coordinates the team, calls the plays, and makes sure everyone's moving in the same direction.

A lot of you replied. And one thing kept coming up:

"That sounds great, Michael. But I don't have anyone to call."

Or:

"I've tried asking for help. It didn't go well."

I hear you. And I want to talk about why asking for help feels so hard.

When your child was first diagnosed, you probably went through denial. Most of us did. It's not weakness, it's protection. Your brain needs time to process.

But then something else happened.

You started noticing the looks. The comments. The unsolicited advice from people who didn't understand.

Family members who questioned your parenting. Friends who quietly disappeared. Strangers who stared.

And somewhere along the way, you stopped asking for help.

Not because you didn't need it.

Because it hurt too much to be judged for needing it.

So now you do everything yourself.

You research at midnight. You fight the insurance company alone. You sit in IEP meetings exhausted, taking notes no one else will read.

And when someone offers to help, you say: "I've got it."

Because the last time you let someone in, they let you down.

I'm not here to tell you to "just ask for help."

That's not helpful. And it ignores what you've been through.

But I do want to offer a reframe:

Asking for help isn't being a victim. It's being a leader.

A Quarterback doesn't run every route. They don't block every defender. They call the play, and trust their team to execute.

You can't do this alone. And you shouldn't have to.

5 Warning Signs You're Carrying Too Much Alone

Before we talk about getting help, let's check in. How many of these sound familiar?

1. You can't remember the last time you did something just for yourself.

2. When someone asks "How are you?", you lie. Every time.

3. You've canceled your own doctor's appointment more than once this year.

4. You feel guilty when you rest, even for 10 minutes.

5. The thought of explaining your child's needs to someone new feels exhausting.

If you checked 3 or more, this newsletter found you at the right time.

The 3 Types of Help Every Parent Needs

Over the years, I've learned that not all help is the same.

And once I understood what I actually needed, it became easier to find the right people, and stop wasting energy on the wrong ones.

From my experience, there are 3 types of support every parent in our situation needs. I'd love to know if you'd add any others, just reply to this email.

1. Emotional Support Someone who listens without trying to fix. Who doesn't judge. Who just gets it.

• This might be a therapist, a support group, or that one friend who's walked a similar road. You need someone you can fall apart with, without having to explain yourself.

• What this looks like: A 20-minute call where you vent and they just say, "That's hard. I'm here."

2. Practical Support Someone who can take something off your plate. Not advice. Action.

• This could be a family member who watches your child so you can breathe. A neighbor who picks up groceries. Respite care. Anyone who gives you time back.

• What this looks like: Your sister takes your child for 3 hours on Saturday. You sleep. Or cry. Or just sit in silence. Whatever you need.

3. Professional Support Someone who knows what you don't. Who can guide you through the legal, financial, and medical complexity.

• This is your attorney, your financial advisor, your case manager, your insurance professional. The people who help you build the plan, not just survive the day.

• What this looks like: A financial professional who coordinates with your attorney to make sure your life insurance actually funds your trust, not just sits in a policy no one's reviewed.

Right Help vs. Wrong Help

Not everyone who offers to help is actually helpful. As an example, here's the difference:

You've probably experienced "wrong help" before. That's why you stopped asking.

But wrong help isn't the only kind. The right people are out there. You just have to know what to look for.

Most parents I talk to are missing at least one of the 3 types of support.

• Some are struggling emotionally but refuse to see a therapist.

• Some have professionals but no one to give them a break in their day-to-day.

• Some have family support but no one coordinating the legal and financial plan.

Which one are you missing?

I can't help you find a therapist or get your sister to babysit.

But if professional support is your gap, the insurance, the coordination, that's my lane. And I'm happy to help you think through it.

[BOOK A CALL] 

You don't have to do this alone. But you do have to lead it.

P.S. Next week: How to ask for help without getting burned again. Because it's not just about finding the right people, it's about how you approach them.

Verse of the Week:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

— Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

Disclaimer: This content is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical, medical, financial, tax, or legal advice. Please consult licensed professionals who understand your individual situation.