📉 When Two Generations Need You at Once

Hey family, it’s Michael, back again with a Tuesday message.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been in conversations with incredible parents who are not only raising a child with autism or other neurodivergent diagnoses but are also carrying the care of their aging mom or dad. That reality hit me hard, because to me, that is what real leadership looks like.

Most people talk about the “sandwich generation” as caring for kids + caring for parents. But when your child’s needs are lifelong, the weight is heavier, the timeline is longer, and the cost of burnout is higher.

This prompted me to create a series for the month of September, breaking down what I have seen recently as some hidden risks of being in the sandwich generation and how families like ours can prepare.

👉 Part 1: The Double Load of Care
This week we’re starting with the intro of this series: understanding what makes our experience different. Caring for parents while raising neurodivergent kids isn’t just “more of the same”, it’s a whole new game. The overlap in financial strain, emotional pressure, and time demands multiplies faster than most families expect. Without a plan, one crisis can topple everything.

Here’s why:

– Care doesn’t end at 18. For most families, parenting shifts as kids become independent. But when your child’s needs are lifelong, the runway is decades longer, often overlapping directly with your parents’ aging years.

– Two very different timelines. An aging parent may suddenly need assisted living, medical interventions, or financial support in their 70s. Meanwhile, your child might just be entering adulthood. You’re forced to balance urgent, short-term crises with planning for a lifelong future at the exact same time.

– Self-care gets sacrificed first. Parents often give up their own health checkups, savings, or rest before they ever cut corners for their child or their parent. That’s the danger most families don’t see coming, if the pillar collapses, everything else follows.

Without a plan, even one crisis can topple everything.

👉 You may cover therapy for your child, but delay medical care for your parent.
👉 Or you pour into both, and quietly compromise yourself, the very pillar holding everyone together.

Let’s hear what a community leader Tamika Lecheé Morales has to share around this topic:

Being sandwiched between caring for my autistic son and my mother with full-blown dementia has often felt like juggling glass balls that keep slipping through my hands, and every time I bend to pick them up, the weight strains my body, my spirit, and my heart. The guilt creeps in too: Am I a good enough mother? A good enough daughter?

But I’ve had to rewrite that soundtrack. I’ve had to remind myself that I am ONE person, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a nonprofit leader, and I can only control what I can. I prioritize. I ask for help. I share the burden.

And in doing so, I’ve discovered unexpected gifts: my neurodivergent son learning compassion as he helps care for his grandmother, and the peace of mind that comes from having already put plans in place, life insurance, wills, trusts, and paperwork that secure her future and ours. These weren’t things ever taught to us, but completing them has become a true lifeline.

Her story may not be your exact story, but the weight, the guilt, and the unexpected gifts she describes are the same themes so many of us live every day.

This isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about recognizing that your strength and stability are what allow both sides of your family to thrive. Protecting yourself isn’t selfish, it’s the strategy that keeps everything else standing.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll dive deeper:

Part 2: Why financial strain feels like quicksand.
Part 3: Emotional burnout shows up faster than you think.
Part 4: Planning for two generations can clash without coordination.
Part 5: How silence between siblings, grandparents, and ex-spouses makes the load heavier.

The truth is, no parent can do this alone. It’s not weakness to build a team, it’s wisdom. Having the right conversations, mapping out the plan, and protecting your role as a parent first is what makes you strong enough to carry both generations.

By The Way:

The Autism Hero Project is hosting it’s 8th Annual Include Me Gala: A Legacy of Love, where they celebrate inclusion and spread love!

It’s more than a celebration, it’s a promise that no one walks this journey alone. Every ticket purchased, every donation, and every voice in the room helps us create a world where inclusion isn’t optional, it’s the norm.