What your employer may not see

Verse of the Week:

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest."

— Matthew 11:28 (WEB)

A call from school.

A call from the therapist.

A deal that needs to close.

Some weeks, that's a normal Tuesday.

At work, none of it shows. What shows is a request to work from home. A meeting that needs to move. A quieter week.

I spent more than a decade in corporate sales and leadership before my son was diagnosed with autism. I used to only see that conversation from the employer's chair. Now I see it from the other side.

So this week I put out a video. It's for the people on the other side of your work calendar: your manager, your HR team, the owner of the company. But I made it with you in mind.

What they see, and what may be underneath

What they see:

• A request to work from home

• A meeting that needs to move

• A promotion you turned down

What may be underneath:

• A doctor's appointment you've waited months for

• A school meeting that can only happen during the day

• Travel that would make your family's week really hard

What most of us do

We explain as little as possible.

We say "we're fine." We take the call in the car. We save the explaining for later, and later doesn't always come. Part of that is privacy. Part of it is being tired. And it's a reasonable instinct, because your family's story is yours to tell.

In the 2025 report Caregiving in the US, from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, only 49% of employed caregivers who work for someone else said their supervisor knew about their caregiving responsibilities. That research covers caregivers of adults, not autism parents specifically, but it points to the same gap.

What's in the video

I kept it general on purpose. It doesn't ask any parent to share a diagnosis or a story. It covers five things:

1. Why a schedule change can be a caregiving issue, not a performance issue

2. Why flexibility can matter more than another benefit, and how to offer it without lowering the bar

3. Why some parents quietly rethink their careers around caregiving

4. How a career change can change a family's whole financial picture

5. Why the best thing a manager can do is ask, not assume

Another way to look at it

You don't have to explain your family to help your employer understand.

Some parents turn down a promotion because of the travel. Some cut back their hours. Some stay in a role they've outgrown because the flexibility matters more than the raise. I'm not telling anyone what to decide about their job, or what to share with their employer. But I do think employers should know that this kind of thinking usually happens in private, long before it shows up as a resignation letter.

The message of the video isn't "lower the bar." It's that you don't have to lower the bar to understand what someone is carrying.

Questions to sit with

• Is there one small thing at work, like a meeting time or some notice before travel, that would make your week easier?

• Do you know what flexibility your company already offers? When did you last read it?

• Is there a conversation to have with your spouse or partner about what you'd want your employer to understand?

Next time someone sees only the Tuesday request, I hope they ask one more question: "Is there anything you need from me?"

That's all it takes to start.

If this sounds like your workplace, send the video to someone at work who manages people. It's general, so it doesn't ask you to share anything personal.

Watch the video →

Disclaimer: This content is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical, medical, financial, insurance, tax, legal, employment, or HR advice. Please consult licensed professionals who understand your individual situation.