I thought I knew everything

Verse of the Week:

“So, then, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

— James 1:19 (WEB)

There was a stretch early on where I thought I knew everything.

I didn’t. And somewhere in there, I knew I didn’t.

I just wasn’t going to say it out loud.

The truth is we knew long before the diagnosis came. You notice things. You start looking things up and then close the browser.

The diagnosis didn’t tell us something new. It just validated what we didn’t want to hear.

And even after that, acceptance took time. More than I expected.

I’ve been thinking about why, because from the inside it didn’t feel like ego. It felt like being the one who had it handled. The one who did the research. The one who’d figure it out.

Looking back, my definition of ego has changed.

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Denial doesn’t announce itself

When the diagnosis came, I still wasn’t ready for it.

I heard the words. I nodded in the room.

And then I went home and kept operating like it hadn’t fully landed. Because accepting it meant accepting everything that came after it, and I wasn’t there yet.

That’s not stubbornness. That’s a person protecting himself from something he isn’t ready to carry.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe. Protecting yourself and being stubborn look identical from the outside.

My wife couldn’t see the difference. Neither could anyone else. All they saw was a guy who wasn’t hearing them.

Then there were the opinions

Family members who didn’t understand what we were dealing with had plenty to say.

He’ll grow out of it. Have you tried being firmer. You were just like that.

Some of it was wrong. Some of it came from people who’d never spent a full day with us. And some of it was offered with real love by someone who just didn’t have the information.

So I stopped listening.

Not selectively. All of it, equally. I built a filter and I set it to block everything, because sorting through it took energy I didn’t have.

That filter did its job. It also kept out things I needed.

I don’t think I lost anything big. But I lost time.

And what gets me is how reasonable it felt. Every time, I had a good reason. They don’t understand. They’re not here. They didn’t see what I saw.

All true. And all of it added up to me not listening to anyone.

What I’d say to myself back then

You’re not failing. You’re accepting something you never got to say out loud, and getting used to it.

That takes time, and taking time doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

And the people you think are criticizing you usually aren’t. Most of them love you and just say it bluntly.

That’s where communication starts. Boundaries too.

You don’t have to agree with someone to let them finish. You don’t have to take the advice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your child.

Just let a little through. You never know who God is using to reach you.

Questions to sit with

• Who stayed at a distance, but is still on standby waiting for a call?

• Who’s been carrying this with you without being asked, and have you told them thank you?

I talked about this in the new video too. Leaving your ego at the door is the first of three things that have actually helped me, and most of what I said in it I learned the slow way.

Watch the video →

Disclaimer: This content is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical, medical, mental health, financial, insurance, tax, legal, employment, or HR advice. Please consult licensed professionals who understand your individual situation.