I spent years in QBRs.

Verse of the Week:

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?"

— Luke 14:28 (NIV)

I spent years in QBRs (Quarterly Business Reviews).

Physically.

Mentally and emotionally, I was somewhere else.

I was running two full-time identities. One the company saw. One only my family did.

My team thought I was listening.

I was replaying the morning.

The look at drop-off.

The email from the school I hadn't answered.

Whether a last-minute meeting would cut into my son's therapy that afternoon.

I absorbed the weight of a hard morning and walked into a 9 AM like nothing happened.

A spouse trying to stay present.

A dad trying to be in two places at once.

And tired in a way nobody on my team could name.

I want to tell you something I haven't said in any of those QBR meetings.

The part of that life that scared me most wasn't the exhaustion.

It was knowing that the system I had built, the income, the benefits, the protection, was tied to me staying in that seat.

The seat that was already grinding me down.

I'd think about it on Sundays. The math.

What would my family draw from if I couldn't sit in that QBR next quarter?

The honest answer used to scare me.

Two weeks ago I wrote about three questions every special needs family should be asked.

Question 1 was this:

If the caregiver couldn't work next month, what would the family draw from?

I asked that question because I had lived it.

The QBR parent I described above is also the parent most exposed to that question.

Because the protection that keeps the family system running is tied to the job that's already grinding you down.

That's not a coincidence.

That's the design flaw built into how W2 benefits were structured, for a 35-year linear career.

Most special needs parents don't have a linear career.

Here's what I want every working parent in our world to understand:

Your benefits package is not a plan.

It's a snapshot.

It only works while the snapshot stays the same.

The moment your career changes, and for most special needs parents, it will, that protection goes with it.

If you don't have something that lives outside your employer, you don't have a plan.

You have a job-dependent assumption.

The fix isn't dramatic.

It's a layered approach to protection that follows the caregiver, not the job:

• Protection that doesn't disappear when your career shifts, slows, or stops.

• Accelerated benefits (sometimes called "living benefits"), for chronic illness, critical illness, or a terminal diagnosis, not only when you're gone.

• A plan, not a binder. Reviewed at every life transition, not set and forgotten.

That's not a sales pitch.

That's the conversation I wish someone had walked me through during the years I was running two identities.

Recently I sat down with an estate planning attorney to talk through what every working special needs parent should be considering at some point.

If you have some time this week, this is the conversation I wish I could send back to myself.

One more thing before I sign off:

On Saturday, July 25th, I'll be speaking at the 1st Annual Autism Dads Getaway Weekend in Atlanta, hosted by the Hype 4 Life Foundation and Brian Burns Family Charities.

The theme: Mental Health & Self Care for dads in the autism community.

A whole weekend built for autism dads. The dads tired in ways nobody at work can name.

Registration is still open.

[REGISTER HERE] 

One small ask:

Where are you on Question 1?

If you couldn't sit in your next QBR, or your next anything, what would your family draw from?

Reply to this email with whatever comes up. A worry. A number. A "I have no idea." I read every reply. Parent to parent.

And if you'd like to walk through it for your family, no products, no pressure, just a conversation:

👉 [Book a 15-minute conversation]

If you were in a meeting this week, replaying a hard morning, I see you.

You're not failing. You're not behind. You're not doing it wrong.

You're one parent doing the work of two full lives at once.

And you're showing up anyway.

Disclaimer: This content is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical, medical, financial, tax, or legal advice. Please consult licensed professionals who understand your individual situation.